It's an Imposter (Syndrome)!
Updated: Apr 23
/imˈpästər/ A person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain.
I stood in the middle of four light blue walls that enclosed a small desk and a black rolling chair. To my left was an empty cork board with a few thumb tacks remaining. In the opposite direction stood a blank white board with a few faint writing marks. Everything was bare, and looked eager for a fresh start.
My head swiveled around the space as I pictured exactly how I wanted to decorate each square inch. While the thoughts of shelving placement and the hanging of picture frames wandered around my brain, it still did not feel real that the office rightfully belonged to me.
On November 1st, I began my new adventure as the Director of Creative Services for the Portland Sea Dogs, Boston’s Double-A Team. Five internship positions later, this marks my first ever full-time gig. The opportunity to remain within the Red Sox Organization and move back to New England tugged at my heart strings more than anything else ever has.
Rewind to about a month prior, my internship with the Salem Red Sox had concluded and I was crashing on my dad’s couch in a small apartment in Boston, wondering if I was ever going to make it back into the sports industry. There were many nights I laid awake scrolling through job postings online and debating if I was even worthy of applying after reading the description. I became more and more discouraged each time I received a rejection, or was even completely ignored.
Gradually, I started to feel somewhat lost.
Working in sports has been my dream since I could remember. I never pieced together a back up plan, as working from 9-5 in a blazer and heels never appealed to me. Tears flowed harder the more I thought about having to possibly make the inevitable decision to leave the industry all together.
Once I accepted the position and headed for Portland, I was overcome with a whirlwind of emotions. First came tears of joy, just thinking about achieving the next big step in my career, and the amount of growth this role would bring. The second feeling brought a wave of panic and self-doubt that made me nervous, anxious, and even a little nauseous. I’m sure I am not the only one who has ever experienced this type of feeling when they begin a new role, but I have never really heard anyone talk about it. At least not publicly.
Nerves aside, I have felt nothing but excitement since stepping foot into the office on my first day. Self-doubt still lingers occasionally, but ultimately there are new goals to be set and dreams to achieve.
For anyone reading this, in case anyone hasn’t said it to you today (or ever)...
You are worthy.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
You make mistakes, mistakes don’t make you.